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  Tears over DHS

    • 129 posts
    January 18, 2012 9:27:57 AM EST

    On Saturday night 2 DHS workers and 3 police showed up at my house and said that they were taking my children to their fathers for the weekend. I told them that yes i was not having a great day but to fix this i had my partner over, i had rung and spoken to my father and i sent my daughter for a sleep over at a friends place. But that wasn't good enough. So i was told that my kids would go to their fathers for the weekend to give me a break and that they would be returned on monday. i was to get a call from the Dandinong office Monday morning and they would be home that afternoon.

    *Note: no first visit was made they just came and ceased and left. I signed nothing, i was given no paper work or documentstaion. I was also given the wrong phone number.

    Monday comes and as i have recived no phone call by 3:30 i called them. i was told that my case worker was on the phone but would call me back a.s.a.p. So an hour later i call again as i have yet to recieve a phone call and i am told that i just been assigned a case worker and they have not read my file so need to speak to their team leader. By this stage it is 5:00 and they shut so i am hung up on.

    *Note: i was lied to twice by this stage. First my kids were supposed to be home today and second i didn't even have a worker.

    So i spend half the night calling up the after hours service to get some information. They refuse to tell me the names of the worers who came to my house (they were after hours workers), they tell me that any documents regaring my case i am not allowed to see. They denied that police were ever at my house and they told me that no one will talk to me as it has been passed on to Dandinong and is no longer their problem. They tell me that someone will most likely call me tomorrow. So i call police and get confirmation that officers were infact at my house and i am not imagining them.

    *Note: my kids were supposed to be returned today and no one will own up to not following standard protocal.

    So now we are at Tuesday and i don't take 'most likely' as an acceptable answer i call them at 9:30. Dandinong tells me that this case was never theirs and i have a worker at the Frankston office. So i call there only to be told that i don't even have a case worker yet, i have just received one and shee will call back when she has information as she doesn't know my case. So i call back at 30min intervals and demand to speak to my worker or her team leader to find out what was going on. At 11:30 she finally reads my case and tells me to come into the office to talk to her now. She says as long as i am there before 1 she has time to talk to me. So i get to the office by 12:00 and am told to wait. 15 minutes later they tell me she is unavalable. So i say send someone else. at 12:30 they send out her supervisor who tells me she isn't in the office, so i tell her to send someone else to talk to me as i was told to come in and my kids were supposed to be back yesterday and no one has even made the effort to talk to me or done their job and called me. By then security is called as me being upset is causing a scene. I am told to come back tomorrow at 11.

    *Note: after they told me my worker was not in the office i had my step-mother call and she spoke to my worker on the phone who said she was leaving in 30 minutes. another lie.

    So i went down stairs ans saught legal advice. I told her the story and she called me back that after noon. She said they wont talk to her but at the meeting tomorrow (today now) to ask to see the order as without an order to remove they can't take them and i am supposed to sign a document saying that i agree with removal anyway. I never signed a document and found out that night that they don't have an order. 

    DHS took my kids illegally and then treated me like crap. I have a meeting today at 11 but i will still be taking legal action against them. I have police involvement, legal invi=olvement and my local MP involved now. But i still don't have my kids back :( i don't even know where their dad lives, my son has medication wich is at my house and they refused to even send someone around to check on my kids as i told them that i don't believe he will return them. 

    I thought they were supposed to hel;p families, not tear them apart.

    • 115 posts
    January 18, 2012 10:53:37 AM EST
    Sadly I doubt you're alone, it's the problem of an overburdened system and often jaded staff who are so used to crap parents that they view anybody who may need a little assistance must be as bad as the worst just hiding it well. I am surprised that if the police were in attendance why they didn't get involved when they were not returned, particularly if they were not taken following protocol. If their father wants them he will need to go through the proper channels. Now you've got legal advice, keep them on speed dial, without stomping all over their father's rights you need to fiercely protect your. Hope they come back today & all is sorted out. Sending kind thoughts your way.
    • 69 posts
    January 18, 2012 4:28:43 PM EST
    It sounds like a really awful situation. You must be missing your children like crazy! I really hope you get them back soon and you get the support that you need to be able to have the main custody of them and to be the great mum that they deserve. It is a worry that the services that we really depend on to look after individuals, families and society in general are so under staffed and lacking in skills that they can't deal with these situations capably. I don't have any expertise in this area but if you need someone to talk to please feel free to message me.
    • 159 posts
    January 18, 2012 5:05:55 PM EST
    I have no advice for you but I hope you get it sorted quickly and I'd be stressing that medication situation for your son - that is not something he should go without. Hang in there - and if you have legal representation, they should sort it quickly for you. Good luck and hang in there.
    • 129 posts
    January 18, 2012 7:41:01 PM EST
    I spoke to everyone i could today.
    DHS told me that if the father does not wish to return them then he doesn't have to.
    I can't get in to see a lawyer until friday and the police are saying that it is not a matter for them.

    So basically, my children have been stolen and kept away from me and no one can do anything about it.

    It's my son's birthday on saturday :'(
    i can't stop crying.

    I found out today that their dad has been planing on taking them and not allowing me access ever again for some time now.
    • 19 posts
    January 18, 2012 8:33:45 PM EST
    Im so sorry to hear that I cant imagine what your going through I wish I had the answers for you but if I must be honest the legal system sucks. I cant belive that the police can assist to take them from you but not help you to get them back. my thoughts and hopes are with you XXX OOO
    • 69 posts
    January 19, 2012 8:36:00 AM EST
    Thinking of you - hope today is a better day. X
    • 129 posts
    January 19, 2012 9:31:03 AM EST
    I can't stop crying.
    no one will help me because DHS started it.
    my daughter starts school soon and i don't know what will happen.

    i can't turn on the tv coz i immediately go to their shows. opening a cupboard i see their cups. i wake up crying coz they are not their jumping on me asking for milk and toast.
    everything hurts.
    i just want my babies back. i didn't even get to say to goodbye :'(
    i just want my babies back.

    everyone i speak to says it was illegal but they wont bring them back home
    • 74 posts
    January 19, 2012 1:31:54 PM EST
    OMG i was so upset reading your story because i have friends this has happened to- who are very good parents with stable homes.I think the problem is with untrained and inexperienced staff who really dont know what their doing yet they charge ahead and intervene.
    Please get yourself to the nearest womens health centre straight away and ask for a case worker who is experienced with this sort of issue.Children should only be removed if they are severly at risk with physical/sexual abuse or neglect.There are people who can help you but you have to make all the phone calls. Also call the Domestic Violence hotline as the phone worker will give you tonnes of advice on how to start fixing the problem and getting the kids back home, and she will put you in contact with services who will help you.
    I feel very sorry for you and hope it works out soon.
    • 115 posts
    January 19, 2012 2:47:54 PM EST
    NEVER separate from a partner without getting a formal custody order, even if you split amicably as things may change down the track. I really can't believe that if the police were there to take them in an 'unlawful' manner that they can't assist in their return & again, if DHS took them 'unlawfully' they should return them.
    • 129 posts
    January 19, 2012 6:41:30 PM EST
    I have queeried this over and over. we had done mediation and we were in the process of re-doing it all and getting orders put in place. dhs is above the legal system apparently. i have an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow (i was told they are the number 1 recommendation by the family law court) and i have gone so far as to get the state MP involved. i said that no matter what happens i want these people held accountable.
    i want my kids home.
    i can't stop thinking about them and i have been holding on to items of theirs just for comfort.
    i am a good mum, my kids have never gone without. i don't live a great life, it's hard and i have my bad days like everyone. but i am no idiot and i have even gone to get myself a social worker for support, months ago. it just seems that there s something wrong with this system and it has destroyed my family.
    i broke down today coz it was thursday, library day, we would go out and read books together and come home and watch movies. i miss those little things :(
    • 69 posts
    January 19, 2012 9:54:55 PM EST
    So sorry for your heartbreak. It sounds like you are doing all you can to get your children back but it seems such a slow process. Good luck with your Solicitor tomorrow. Surely there is some sort of punishment for fathers (and mothers) that take their children and do not return them as organised. You would think there is a procedure for getting the children back to their normal home promptly and for some mediation to occur to sort things out. Isn't the most important thing supposed to be what is best for the children? Unfortunately I have heard of dads taking the kids to get revenge on their ex - totally wrong - they don't really even want them full-time.
    • 129 posts
    January 20, 2012 9:23:14 AM EST
    mornings are the hardest.
    Irah would be climbing up on the bottom of the bed, Cassidy would try to sneak her way under the covers and Jaxton would stand at my door with a cranky look on his face before running in smiling.

    It was Jaxton's birthday party tomorrow and he was so excited.
    Cassidy starts school in 2 weeks and loves her teacher and made so many friends during orientation that we already have play dates with them.
    Irah was almost completely toilet trained and would get dressed with his toy dog. He liked to show doggy how cleaver he was at doing it all by himself.
    It makes my physically ill that they are not here.
    It hurts all the time and i can't imagine what they are doing or feeling.
    • 150 posts
    January 20, 2012 11:33:11 AM EST
    oh my god.... i couldnt possibly imagine how you are feeling. i sincerely hope you get answers.
    Keep us updated.
    Sending huge hugs your way.
    • 129 posts
    January 20, 2012 7:23:49 PM EST
    I saw a solicitor today
    now i have a nicely size wad of paper (forms) to fill out and have run around all day getting the required paper work.
    nothing until monday now.
    It was my sons 4th birthday party tomorrow. it's his birthday on monday.
    We had all his friends coming over, and family. He wanted a shark cake. that is just like my boy, he loves sharks. and the kiddie pool set up for fishing for bath toys. all pirate style.
    I got a package today with toys for them :'( i just keep thinking cassidy would love the ballerina stickers and irah would fight jaxton for the truck puzzles.... even if there is 1 each.

    everything reminds me of them. my partner says i should go out on saturday night, see everyone and just try to take a night to myself. i don't know.
    • 69 posts
    January 20, 2012 9:35:05 PM EST
    You might not feel like going out - being at home you may feel closer to your children, even though everything is a reminder. Perhaps it would be good to go out for a little while though as your friends might be able to lift your spirits a little bit. Don't drink too much though or you may end up feeling more depressed.
    • 129 posts
    January 21, 2012 1:05:52 PM EST
    Today has been especially hard for me. There are birthday presents and party supplies. There no one to just talk to about children, just general likes and dislikes. I still can't get anything out of DHS.

    My babies are going without seeing their friends and i know that is hard for them, they love kinder and going to the library. I am so scared that my youngest is having problems again, he has silent seizures triggered by the heat and their dad doesn't know how to recognize them.

    I hate that i am being turned away evrey time i try to tell a DHS worker about my concerns over their safety and well being. They keep telling me that if their dad says they are fine then they are fine. I said that they were fine at home. But i just get told that they wont help. I can't eat, can't sleep. I am scratching (which is a stress habit of mine), losing weight and my hair is falling out. I try having a shower to calm myself down and i end up sitting the shower crying and vomiting.
    I litterally can't live without my babies.
    • 10 posts
    January 21, 2012 2:12:28 PM EST
    Call A Current Affair, Today Tonight, The Project . . call your local newspapers. I can guarantee that once the media gets involved something will be done for you.
    • 129 posts
    January 21, 2012 4:56:58 PM EST
    I am finding out more and more about the life my kids have been thrown into and the more i hear the more i don't understand it.
    The woman in the house hates kids, she threatens to leave him and goes and stays with her mum when my kids go to visit!
    They are being driven around on booster seats ... my baby is 2 then i have a 3 (4 on monday() and 5 year old.
    They are drunk every weekend
    They have no food in the house
    No income (but he says he just started work and if so who is looking after my kids?)
    I just don't understand, it makes no sense.
    I love my babies, yeah i have bad days but i am not an idiot. I call people to talk to, i ask friends to come and visit or i go visit my uncle for the night.
    I even went to the effort of getting myself an anglicare worker so i had someone to discuss behavioral issues with. i have done the right thing.
    I have a house full of food for them, all the right medication for my baby. We have a routine and they go to kinder. I deal with all the kinder forms and school forms, uniform, books the lot. Toilet training.. all me.
    I don't understand
    • 10 posts
    January 21, 2012 6:10:32 PM EST
    If they're riding around in boosters, when they should be in car seats, then I suggest you call - or get someone to do it for you - your local police, or the new Policeline number if you're in Qld, and let them know what he's doing.
    • 69 posts
    January 21, 2012 8:01:20 PM EST
    I can't believe that DHS has taken your children from the safety of your home to their fathers home which is more than likely not child-friendly and then just left in conditions like that. Surely it was checked for suitability. For a start to not have any food in the house is neglect so someone needs to ring DHS and put in a report of this (in SA you can do this anonymously). You could also report there about the unsafe seating in the car. You could also tell the department that he is drinking excessively and get as many people as you can to put in reports about your ex in regards to these things as possible. Eventually they have to act and send a social worker out to investigate and if things are as bad as you say the children will be removed from him and hopefully back to you. If you hae found out where he lives you could be a bit devious and spy on him at night looking for something to complain to the police about. I guess its not illegal to be drunk in your own home when there are children present but if there was a report of loud noise or disorderly behaviour and the police checked it out and found there were children there . . . I don't know the proper procedures and processes but am concerned for your children and think that there must be a way that you can alert the authorities to this situation ASAP. I am not saying to do anything illegal, just be a bit sneaky and creative.
    • 129 posts
    January 22, 2012 9:16:09 PM EST
    Today i tried to ask him to bring them back and we can write out a parenting plan and have it signed by both and copied so we both have a copy... but i got no reply.
    I gave him everything and even said to forget the nearly $2000 in unpaid child support.
    I feel so helpless
    My babies don't know what is happening, why they are not alowed to go to kinder and see their friends.
    I am refusing to close the kinder accounts, i am still paying it, so that they can't be enroled anywhere else.
    Cassidy starts school in a couple of weeks and she has to go to that. She will be devestated if she can't.
    Tomorrow i am going back to the solicitor but it is going to be a hard day. Jaxton turns 4 tomorrow and i have already had to cancel his party. I haven't told alot of people why, i am ashamed of what i have let happen. I keep looking back thinking if only i had never yelled at them or if only i had coped with it all better.
    I need to see my gp tomorrow also as i don't know how much longer i can continue being so sick over it all.
    • 129 posts
    January 25, 2012 8:20:16 AM EST
    I have been trying to contact the childrens father asking him to write up a parenting plan with me. I finally got a reply. He said that he is doing the right thing for them and has enrolled my daughter in another school.
    That isn't fair, my daughter knows her teacher and has friends. And my boys go to a kinder where they know how to handle my youngest's illness' and my oldest son has trouble making friends but has some there. Taking them out of what they know and love isn't fair for them.

    And how can you enroll a child in a second school and without any of the papers (birth certificates, immunization records) required?
    I don't understand anything but i honestly don't know how much longer i can go on like this.
    • 5 posts
    January 25, 2012 1:01:04 PM EST
    Going to your GP is a good option any support/help you can get is essential. Remember to try and stay strong and look after you so you have the energy and right frame of mind to keep fighting, remember why you are fighting!
    Make sure you are talking to your social worker as it sounds like you have a relationship with her.
    Keep following all legal advise and believe that it will get sorted!
    Stay Strong
    • 5 posts
    January 25, 2012 1:45:08 PM EST
    Stay strong for your kids, they know you love them and no doubt miss you as much as your missing them. Your going about things the best way you can and it can be so frustrating when your waiting for other people/organisations to get their act together. Keep on them, all your hard work will pay off. Stay strong but make sure you take care of yourself too x